In a fit of random curiousity, I decided I was going to browse the Nerve.com personals after being sent a hilarious link from a friend of a guy on there who should have been on the goth personals. I know, I haven't posted and made fun of him yet. I will. You'll see.

At any rate, reading profiles I had one overwhelming impression from men.

DESPERATION.

And wow is it unattractive. But that was far from the only thing. Also I was amazed by the amount of men "looking for their soulmate." I thought men were the ones who never wanted to get serious, and yet I just read 50 some odd profiles of shit that men want to do for me and how they'll be dreams come true in my life and how thye'll paint my toenails for me while they simultaneously cook dinner, clean the kitchen and give me the fuck of a lifetime.

Please. Is the whole female world really receptive to this here? And so I make it clear that I'm not bashing men-I read some women's profiles, and those were less desperate-but also sad in that they seemed so guarded. The archetype is:man tells you all the things he can do for you (the provider)and women sits passively in her protective space and decides which of these men to allow to provide for her. Hello? Does that ring of fucking CAVEMEN to you?????

What also troubles me is how intensely based on the need for approval it all seems. Of course you want a potential partner to approve of you, everyone does. But do you want a potential partner to put on a 3 act musical explaining what he could do for you if you'll just please please please give him a snowball's chance in hell? Why can't you just get to know a person without all these freaking expectations?

I know I joke, but overall I work hard not to judge other people, and I humbly admit I still need a lot of work on that. I guess from my perspective, reading these was humbling in itself. Especially after choosing to make the kind of relationship choices I have, I have less ability to relate than ever before to the general individual. Not that I mind-an occasional jab of loneliness is ok with me, and well worth what I get for the price. In a random kind of way, I worry about the world though. I wonder if a lot of their troubles, especially the relationship ones, are self imposed. I can't do a damn thing about it, but sometimes it's wild realizing you really are vastly more apart from the rest of the world than you thought