In the morning I leave on a fourteen hour flight to go here.

I used to be pretty mystic about traveling, but now that I've done it so much I don't really feel that way anymore -- it's just a longer, more annoying version of getting in a car. Except this time, I kind of feel the way I felt the first time I got on a flight and the plane lifted into the sky. Nervous, afraid, giddy, excitable, happy. Having no idea what's going to happen next. It's going to be an adventure for sure, and I'm looking forward to having it.

Yesterday I was watching some concert videos of a couple of the Japanese bands I really like, mainly Arashi and NewS. Watching the Arashi concerts, it occurred to me that it made me feel so joyful to watch them that despite how difficult it would be to get to one (and how expensive!) that I truly wanted to see them perform live. It was a weird feeling last night realizing that I deeply wanted to fly to Japan just to see a concert (not that I wouldn't do other things while I was there).

I was slightly aware that they were actually about to tour because I had seen fan goods being sold on other LJs and I thought to myself, that's awesome, surely I will miss them on my trip next month... I'll have to plan it sometime in the future. Then I looked at the dates and I realized that they are playing the last weekend I am there. I've read about attending these shows before and from what I understand they only sell tickets to people in their fan club. I'm distinctly aware of the fact that this is the 10 year anniversary show for them and that ticket prices are through the roof if you can get them at all. So despite the timing, I am not sure if I can go.

Seems strange at my age to dream about going to see a concert in Japan and truly feeling like it would be achieving a life goal to go, even though it's just entertainment. I laughed to Niero last night about how inappropriate it is. After all, this music is geared at young people. And then we got to talking about how things you enjoy correspond to your age ... and how it really shouldn't matter what you enjoy at any age.

I've come to realize lately at 32 I'm struggling to understand who I am just as much as I was at 22. How odd and humbling that is.